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<noscript><a href=”http://polldaddy.com/poll/8918933/”>How will the NBA finals go?</a></noscript>
If you search ‘NBA Finals 2015’ on the internet right now, I am sure you could find a ton of results — 47,100,000 to be exact — breaking down the series. So I am gonna contribute the 47,100,001st take from a slightly different approach.
TIME TO CHECK EVERYONE’S INBOX:
Hey Cleveland Cavaliers. The National Media called. You are supposed to lose. Bad.
For the most part, the NBA media doesn’t believe the Cavs have a chance. For instance, ESPN had 27 writers predict the finals. 22 picked the Golden State Warriors. And that was BEFORE Kyrie Irving was lost for 4 months to a cracked kneecap in overtime of game 1. In the ABC pre-game show before game 2, Doug Collins and Jalen Rose were pretty much giving a sympathetic, poetic eulogy for the Wine and Gold.
But thankfully,
Hey Cavs. Former NFL coach Herm Edwards skyped you this classic video message.
With the injuries to Irving along with Kevin Love, the Cavs had more than enough legitimate excuses to roll over and call it a season. But coach Herm hit the nail on the head. If you are gonna play, you play and fight your hardest to win, no matter the odds. Thankfully, our nation’s forefathers had that attitude, or right now, most of us would be speaking with one of those cool English accents.
Speaking of accents…
Hey Matthew Dellavedova. The sports world twittered. U R not an NBA player. 2 short. 2 slow. 2 Australian. Ugly shot. St. Mary’s is a small college. U R a cheapshot for diving into guy’s legs. (I made it in 140 characters!!!)
I have to confess. I have not been much of a Delly fan. I have cringed at times throughout the season when the Thunder from Down Under has been in. Just look at his form on this shot…
You are not gonna see that technique being taught at any youth camps this summer.
Last night before the game, I sent a text out to my sports buddies asking if Delly is the worst player ever to start in an NBA finals. After much debate, Sasha Pavlovic of the 2007 Cavs edged him out.
But Delly has tuned me and the rest of the haters out. He simply plays HARD. He busts his butt on defense. 2015 NBA MVP Steph Curry, who has been heavy nominated for the ‘greatest shooter ever’ crown during these play-offs, shot 0 for 8 when Delly was guarding him. 0 for 8! That includes his airball in the final seconds for the potential game-winning last shot.
And Delly does all the little things. He dives for balls. He boxes out. He HUSTLES 100% of the time. He gets hate from much of the sports world for being un-NBA-worthy. But he also gets love–and should be embraced by me and 99.8% of the world’s population–because he is one of the very few NBA players that we can relate to talent-wise. Many of us weekend warrior athletes even mistakenly think we can kinda play at his level if he showed up at the YMCA for an open gym.
And examining his offensive game…
Hey Delly. My 2-year-old niece’s sippy cup called. It wants its floaters back.
I am guessing he throws it up with an either/or mentality…
EITHER it might go through the hoop,
OR someone might grab it and dunk it in as a sweet alley-oop pass.
I think I need to incorporate this into my driveway battles against my 9th grade son!
One more message for Mr. Dellavedova…
Crocodile Dundee called using one of those Australian Outback horns. He wants his accent back…
So I can have my wife back.
A few weeks ago, my wife came to me all excited after hearing Delly in an interview. “Did you ever hear Delly talk?” And now, that’s all I ever hear about. Last night after game 2, she had to keep the TV on past 1 am just to hear Delly in a press conference.
It took a few years for her to get this former Browns’ QB beefcake out of her head…
I could never keep up with Brady Quinn’s brown eyes and bulging biceps. But I can maybe grow a beard and start mixing in ‘G’day Mate’ to my vocabulary to complete with Delly.
I guess I deserve this competition for always asking my beautiful bride to say ‘Honey’ in a Julia Roberts Steel Magnolias Southern Belle accent.
And speaking again of accents…
Hey Coach Blatt. Vladimir Putin called on the emergency red phone hotline. He is giving you permission to play the big Russian in the 4th quarter.
Timofey Mosgov had 17 points and 11 rebounds in the first three quarters. Then sat the entire 4th quarter and all but a few seconds of overtime. We lost an 11-point lead in the last three minutes because we couldn’t score. I know Tristan Thompson provides great defense and rebounding, but the Russian can play. More importantly, he has this sweet sweet video song tribute courtesy of Cleveland comedian Mike Polk Jr.
Hey Draymond Green, Paul Bunyan sent a letter via Pony Express. He wants his axe back.
You just about cut off both of Lebron’s arms on this late game shot…
And the ref didn’t even call the foul!!! Speaking of which…
Hey NBA conspiracists. David Stern held a podcast for you. He wants you to examine the evidence.
Conspiracy #1: Stars get all the calls.
Umm, someone forgot to tell these NBA officials that LeBron is the greatest player in the world. Because he certainly isn’t getting any calls. In fact, he doesn’t get many calls because he is too big, too strong, and too athletic.
Conspiracy #2: The NBA is fixed.
If that was true, the NBA would want the Cavs to win one of these first two games to maximize interest and the length of the series. Thus, the Cavs would have gotten some marginal calls down the stretch to clinch the game. That definitely did not happen.
Hey Warriors. The Bricklayers just filed an injunction. They want there jobs back.
The Golden State Warriors made 47.8% of their shots during the regular season, including 39.8% of their 3-point bombs. Last night, they shot 39.8% from the field and 22.9% from the 3-point arc. Yikes. Now as for their opponents…
Hey Cavs, Mac Aljancic just blogged. He wants his high school shooting stats back.
The Cavaliers shot 45.8% during the regular season. In game two, the Cavs shot 32.2% from the field! And won!!! The question is, How? The answer is in our next message.
Hey Lebron and Company. Jim Tressel just sent a hand-written note. He wants to praise you for incorporating his game plan.
Great defense. Methodical offense. All we were missing was Shawn Marion coming in as the shot clock was winding down to punt a couple balls down court for field position. It’s not pretty to watch. But with all the injuries, the Cavs need to play ball control to have a chance to defeat the Warriors. And they are a shot away from being up 2-0 after two road games. Speaking of chances…
Hey Ohio. Lloyd Christmas just sent a snapchat.
It’s now a 5-game series, and we are on the homecourt for three of them. I think our odds are a little better than the one-in-a-million odds that Lloyd embraced in Dumb and Dumber.
Hey Mac Aljancic. A 16-ounce glass containing eight ounces of water just facebooked you. It wants to let you know that it is half full!
When it comes to my sports teams, I tend to follow the pessimistic route. Why? Let’s see if I can think of any traumatic memories…
The Drive of John Elway. The Fumble of Earnest Byner. The Shot of Michael Jordan. The Blown Save of Jose Mesa. John Cooper’s 2-13 Record vs. Michigan. The Ohio State BCS championship blowout losses of 2006 & 2007. The Indians Blown 3-1 lead in the 2007 ALCS. The Browns leaving town. Lebron leaving town. The draft quarterback busts of Tim Couch, Brady Quinn, Brandon Weeden, and (maybe) Johnny Football.
The Cleveland Cavaliers debuted in October of 1970. Mac Aljancic debuted in November of 1970. It took 45 years, but the Cavs got their first ever NBA finals win last night. Only 3 more to go.
So in the immortal words of this all-time classic 1970s sports song, which is my first Cavalier memory along with Austin Carr, Campy Russell, and Bingo Smith…
COME ON CAVS! GOTTA MAKE IT HAPPEN!