To see Part 1 of Happy Mudder’s Day, click here.
In the annals of sports history, a select few epic face offs have stood the test of time:
Ali vs. Frazier
Lakers vs. Celtics
Borg vs. McEnroe
Ohio State vs. Michigan
THE TOUGH BRUDDERS VS. THE TOUGH MUDDER!!!!
In the challenger’s corner…
Don’t let this smiling young trio of Mac, Mike, and Jon Aljancic fool you. These guys are finely tuned machines. Their training regimen is on par with Olympic athletes, spending hours on end each day pushing their bodies to the limits while following a strict dietary program to maximize their peak performance. And from the looks of the guy’s bicep on the left, allegations of steroid use are sure to arise.
Honesty Disclaimer: the previous paragraph is not completely 100% true. Journalistic integrity usually identifies the falsities. Let me save time and point out the one truth. I do eat alot of veggies.
In the champion’s corner…
A 10-mile course filled with obstacles that are TOUGH. And full of MUD.
The youngest Aljancic, Mike (age 35), set the goal for the course. Go the entire course without any walking between obstacles. The middle brother, Jon (age 40), seconded that motion. The eldest brother, Mac (age 44), remained mysteriously silent.
A Mudder event has thousands of participants, so they release groups of 100 or so about every 10 minutes. The course started out easy enough. About a mile jog on right on the same concrete Mid-Ohio Sports Car Course of famous drivers like Mario Andretti. And the brothers were out near the front of the pack! Then came the first obstacle. The Birth Canal. Is this some kind shout out to Mother’s Day? Bring it on! (note that most pictures do NOT have us in it).
Crawl under a tarp of water. Easy Peezy Lemon Squeezy!
Run another mile, then obstacle 2…King of the Swingers.
Grab jump up to grab some handles, swing forward, and flop in water. Even the old fart brother can do that! And the water was refreshing! Some Tough Mudder! More like one of those mud spa things that I think people get. I should have some soft, rejuvenated skin after this!
I am feeling so great, I sprint race my lil’ bro Mike the last 50 yards (he smokes me) to the next obstacle… Skid Marked. No, this is not in reference to any laundry land mines. Had to climb an angled wall with tires involved. I am not a great climber, but no biggie.
Obstacle 4. Warrior Carry. I had to carry a brother about 50 yards. Who should pick? Mike or Jon? Look at our picture above and guess who my draft pick was.
That one was a little tough. And we have over 3 miles of running in, so I am getting a bit worn, but doing alright. I’ll let the little brothers in front of me to build their confidence.
Cry Baby is the next challenge. Crawl 10 yards under stuff and through some mild tear gas. Being a Browns’ fan, my tear ducts are in top form.
Next was the Mud Mile.
A little dirty, but a good cool off overall.
Just past the half way mark, we encountered the Funky Monkey…
Now this one was kinda tough. Well, unless you fall in the water after the bar 2. I am proud to say that the baby brother carried the family name all the way across!
The course then veered into the woods. SHADE!!! This should refresh us! Maybe. But the woods have hills. And the obstacle called ‘Hold Your Wood’…
I don’t have a picture of us doing this obstacle, but I am guessing I pretty much looked like the guy in the front.
Just as we broke out of the woods, we hit a 15-minute traffic jam at the next obstacle, The Berlin Walls…
See that guy in the middle? That was pretty much me. As I struggled futily to get myself over the wall, my mind flashed back to my junior high gym class when Mr. Rill would test us on the pull-up bar as well as the peg board…
Let’s just say I didn’t waste much time on those tests. Thank goodness that a Tough Mudder motto is ‘Leave No Mudder Behind’. I gave my brothers and a couple other guys a clearer meaning of the phrase, ‘dead weight’.
I had never run more than 5 miles before. And after get pushed and pulled over two Berlin Walls, I hit my wall. So for the last few miles, while the little brothers continued their ‘no walking’ pledge, I played my ‘old man’ card and incorporated a strategy of ‘walk a little, then run and catch up’ to survive to the finish. In my defense, a large majority of the competitors were walking by this point.
The obstacles continued.
Climb some tire mounds. Pretty easy.
Crawl through mud under barbed wire. Not bad.
About this time, our #1 fan, momma Joanie, snapped this pic…
I do have to explain my outfit. Being the economical shopper that I am, I periodically frequent the store, Gabriel Brothers. I saw these sweet running shorts for $2. Couldn’t pass up that deal. My only regret is not dropping $3 for the matching tank top so that I could enter a high school cross country meet!
We only had a few obstacles left. Beached Whale and Mount Everest…
Played right into my world-class wall climbing skills. Thank goodness Mr. Rill never had us do that rope-climbing test back in gym class. I might not have ever gotten out of 7th grade!
Artic Enema. Climb up and down a ladder into an ice pool. Should be a welcome relief for our tired bodies on a hot day.
NOT!!!
Last one. Electroshock Therapy.
A few of these wires are hot to give you a little jolt. Our wives weren’t real keen on us doing this one. But the finish line was just ahead, so we threw caution to the wind and went for it.
I don’t know if I am thankful, or disappointed, but I didn’t get shocked once.
And finally…………
THE FINISH with our #1 fan!!!
Afterwards, the little brothers talked about getting a large group to do it again next year.
My feelings can be expressed in the words of this legendary fictional boxer…
AIN’T GONNA BE NO REMATCH!
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You can also e-mail him: macaljancic@yahoo.com