The Christmas presents of our childhood often tell us who we were (and are), as well as where we can from. I remember my grandma-in-law, Thelma, telling me that as a child 80-plus years ago, she got three things one Christmas: a baby doll, an orange, and a chocolate coin. How would that go over with your child in 2014? I am guessing the reaction of grandchildren will be a little different in 2094, when grandpa shares about only getting an I-phone, Beats head phones, an X-Box, two Under Armor hoodies,…
Let’s hop in the Hot Tub Time Machine and travel back to see what was under little Mac’s tree back in the days there were no kids’ shows to watch at night. None of this Nickelodeon, Nick at Nite, Disney, Disney West, DVR, DVDs, VHS,… You watched whatever was on, and you liked it! And when this graphic came on the screen…
it was time to get out the popcorn out for a party! And it didn’t come from a microwave, but from this…
Ohhh. Joe Namath endorsed this!
Or maybe even this…
It was time to party because it was Christmas TV special time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A kids’ show was on!!!!!!!!!!! At night!!!!!!!!!!!!! Charlie Brown!!!!!! Frosty!!!!!!! And my favorite, which I watched just last night with the kids…
Rudolph!!!!
His main squeeze, Clarise, sure was a looker!!! Maybe I need to get my wife a cute little red polka dot bow to wear!
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1st stop, 1976. Many of you boys out there probably had one of these two items:
Evel Kneivel rocked!!! He jumped over busses! CRAZY!
I even faintly remember watching a TV special where he was gonna jump over a pool of sharks! SHARKS!!! As in JAWS! But he wrecked in practice, so it was a no-go. Just did a google search, and sure enough, January 31st, 1977 was the date of the non-jump. If only someone in the 1970s would have jumped over a shark! Wait a minute…
FONZIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he made it! Nothing like water skiing in a leather jacket! I seem to remember it being a two-part episode, so I had to wait for a whole week to see if The Fonz would get horribly eaten to death or not.
My other memorable gift of the bicentennial year:
Who needs the Madden 25 video game when you could play Electric Football!!! You would spend 15 minutes setting up a play, dialing those things (?) on the bottom to steer the buys at the proper angle, Turn on the switch, and instead of getting the Chip Kelly spread offense, you would get a mosh pit! Some kids even threw the little foam ball with the sling shot quarterback, but at our house, it was old-school, smash mouth, power football! I actually had two of these stadiums. Do you know that they still have an electronic football world championship? It was just in Cleveland this past January. That must have been a real crowd pleaser!
Let’s jump forward two years to 1978. Nowadays, kids have their iPods and Nintendo DS. Those had nothing on the technological magic that I held in my hand that Christmas…
This might be my all-time favorite present. This game was super-awesome! At first, I was upset when I got it. What an ungrateful kid I was! Shhhhhh! Don’t tell my kids. At the time, I really wanted the original white version…
I then learned a very important technological lesson. Newer is better. In the green sequel, there was one more button. Look closely and you will see the extra yellow button. You could pass!!! Instead of forced to just do boring ground-and-pound Larry Csonka running, I could air it out like Brian Sipe or Dan Fouts! I spent hundreds of hours playing this. My friends and I would have some epic battles during lunch and indoor recess during my elementary days!
About 10 years ago, I saw that familiar Football 2 hanging in a toy aisle at K-Mart. That was in my cart in about 1.2 seconds. Once I touched those buttons, it was like riding a bike. My shake-and-bake Greg Pruitt moves came back to me in a flash. My son, Drew, got the bug, and played it, but he could never beat his old man. Unfortunately, my little brother, Jon, pulled out miracle comeback win over me on a vacation battle. Being born four years later into a more advanced tech era, Jon always had an upper hand in any video game.
That same Christmas, I received maybe my most puzzling gift. I was already a huge 8-year old Browns fan. Among the Browns’ things I had were a lamp (currently in my son’s room), radio, fake leather-sleeve coat, Greg Pruitt jersey, and a even a ring. I don’t think I ever had my little brother kiss my ring like the Godfather, but in hindsight I should have had little Fredo do it as a sign of respect!
Back then, it wasn’t easy to get Browns’ stuff. Stores didn’t carry very much of it. And you didn’t have this Amazon.com internet stuff. You could order something from a Christmas catalog, but would have to wait 4 to 6 weeks. Remember the days when you knew your postman! The true holy land was Sears. They would have NFL stuff. I was just in Sears the other day and found myself reverting back to my childhood mentality looking for a Browns’ belt buckle to add to my wardrobe.
Stores would carry stuff from other teams, usually the Cowboys or the–uugggggggggghhhhhhhhh– Pittsburgh Steelers. Back then, kids would have back-up favorite teams, and mine were the Cowboys and Dolphins. So that December, my mom and grandma were at Value City when they saw a rare find hanging from the rack. A Dallas Cowboys’ winter coat! I had worn out and grown out of my beloved Browns’ coat by then, so I was due for an upgrade. This was such a great find that the two Joanies wouldn’t even put the coat in their cart. Mom securely held it while walking the aisles just in case any suspicious poachers were on the prowl.
That December 25th, my mom was probably really pumped to see my reaction to her great find. Maybe it would turn my frown upside down after I pouted about getting the wrong Mattel football game. But when I opened the box and pulled out the blue jacket, instead of leaping for joy at the sight of the familiar Cowboys’ star logo, I asked this frustrating question…
“What did you get me a Baltimore Colts jacket for?!?!”
Poor Joanie. How could something so right go so wrong? I forgot that my mom’s passion for the NFL didn’t match mine. Cowboys ride horses, which wear horseshoes, so it was an honest mistake! But come on mom! Roger Staubach! Tom Landry! The cheerleaders! Everyone knows their logo!
So remember kids, moms are awesome, but they are not perfect. Be thankful for whatever you get. Even if you get the wrong shade of metallic red for your $250 Beats headphones. I am sure there are millions of kids across the world that would have loved to have that Baltimore Colts jacket on a cold recess day back in 1978, even if it meant having to answer the same question over and over again…
“What’s with the Colts’ coat?”
Have a joyous Christmas holiday!
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