Saturday, 4:15 am (thinking to myself in bed): What another great parenting move I just pulled! If there was a Fantasy Dad League, I woulda scored about 50 points tonight!!!
Wednesday, 5:13 pm: Beth just told me that our daughter, Audrey, is gonna have 4 girls stay overnight for her 11th birthday.
Saturday, 4:33 am (thinking to myself in bed): Man, this would be a great blog! What can I write about?
Friday, 4:12 pm: Beth just told me that ten girls are going to be staying overnight. PREPARE FOR THE HURRICANE!!!
Friday, 5:15 pm: The girls start rolling in. 6th grade son Ethan and his buddy Caleb act like they are in great pain with 11 5th grade girls swarming them. From my faint memories of being a 6th grade boy back in 1982, I know that it is all a facade. They are loving every minute of it!!!
5:42 pm. Girls decide to go swimming in the backyard. No passing balls or shooting balls or wrestling or tackling or running around the pool and jumping in. Lots of talking though. Early observation. BOYS AND GIRLS ARE VERRRYYYY DIFFERENT.
Friday, 6:33 pm: My beautiful wife Beth gives me two options. Option 1: stay and lifeguard. Option 2: carry out Audrey’s meal request by heading to Taco Bell. After a lengthy deliberation (approximately 1.6 seconds), I decide to make a Run for the Border
Saturday, 4:44 am: I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night. I never can get back to sleep!
Friday, 6:48 pm: (Scanning the drive-thru menu) I never know what to order at Taco Bell. Hey, Taco 12-pack! Let’s get a couple of those!
Friday, 7:17 pm– Time for dinner. Audrey spent about an hour after school preparing the dinner table for the feast. Table settings include fancy plastic wine glasses and name cards.
Friday, 7:20 pm– Audrey asks if they can have pop. Mom suggests lemonade. Dad takes a big risk and announces, “who wants pop???” Beth smiles. Whew, dodged a bullet there!
Friday, 7:23 pm–Audrey announces that they are going to do introductions around the table. I have a flash back to my first year of tackle football. Fifth grade. Coincidence? I think not. Anyhow, that year, I was on the Chiefs, a team of 30+ kids. I played 2 plays. THE ENTIRE YEAR! How do I remember that? A. I have a good memory for little useless things. B. Being that it was only 2 plays, it’s not like I had much to remember. In defense of our coaches, we did have a few weekday B games for us to play in. But the ‘A’ games were Sundays. I wonder how Dad felt missing Cleveland Browns games to come watch me warm the bench? At least he got to watch my 6th grade sister Andrea cheer! That had to be pretty exciting. Speaking of cheer, that is the reason for this flashback. Sitting on the bench all year (and I do remember literally sitting on the bench. No refs or coaches had to yell at us to get back! Fifth graders are much more comfy sitting on the bench than tiring themselves out standing on the sideline), I eventually learned the words to all of the cheers that were going on right behind me.
“H….E…..L-L-O, that’s… the way we say hello hello,,,,let’s say hello….WOOOO!!!!”
“R-O-W-D-I-E, that’s the way we spell rowdy rowdy, let’s get rowdy, WOOOO!!!!”
Two instant observations:
1. Cheerleaders in 1981 appeared to be obsessed with spelling
2. Every cheer must have needed a “WOOO!!!” as the caboose (and do kids nowadays know what cabooses are?)
Back to my anecdote. One cheer that you could count on early in the game is the ‘Introduction’ cheer. Probably batted #2 in the order after the “Hello” cheer.
Whole cheer squad: “Jump back, jump back, innnnnntroduce yourself.” My sister: “I’m Andrea…A sixth grader…for the Chiefs!” Whole squad: “Right on, right on, right on, right on!” “(hey, no “WOOO!!!” on the end of this one. My theory is debunked.)
Flash forward back to the birthday dinner: as Audrey finishes her introduction, I quickly make my move:
“Jump back, jump back, innnnnntroduce yourself. I’m Mac…the dad…of Audrey! Right on, right on, right on, right on!”
Big laughs from 10 girls. Evil eye from 1 girl. I will take that as a solid victory.
Saturday, 4:52 am: man, I am gonna be a grump today.
Friday, 7:31 pm: gotta head to Dover’s blowout game vs. some Toledo team so my boys can keep their social lives going. Before I go, though, I have one more gem up my sleeve, compliments of Taco Bell nachos.
I slyly place my pinky finger into Audrey’s nacho cheese, announce to the table that I have a present for Audrey, smear some cheese on her cheek, and yell “CHEESE TOUCH!!!!”
The Terrific Ten are roaring with laughter. Birthday girl is not. Oh well, you gotta play to the crowd.
Friday, 7;54 pm: Walk into the stadium and it’s 38-0 Dover. Another one of those games I recently blogged about…
Friday, 8:28 pm: sat down to talk for a while with #1 Dover football fan and historian Denny Rubright. I always enjoy learning some Dover history from him while he picks my brain for some past and present Louisville Leopard football info (my alma mater and current employer).
Friday, 8:57 pm: this OHSAA running clock rule (when up by 30 or more points) isn’t too bad. My mom has been raving about it from the Leopard games she has seen this year. Being the ornery son that I am, I teased her about it . Hey mom, you were right!
Friday, 9:22pm: Ethan and Caleb decide to stay overnight at Caleb’s house. I guess I was wrong about my Friday 6:12 pm accusation.
Friday, 9:20 pm: Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Ethan asked if Caleb could stay overnight, and I said no due to ten girls staying over. Let’s move that Wrong back over to the Right column!
Friday, 9:43 pm: Back at the house. The girls are decorating there 3-foot long balloons, drawing faces on them, and giving them boys’ names. Not something you would see at a boys’ slumber party. BOYS AND GIRLS ARE VERRRYYYY DIFFERENT.
Friday, 10:55 pm: Hitting my wall. Time for bed. Beth can handle patrol duties.
Saturday, 2:15 am: Beth wakes me up as she gets out of bed to quiet down the girls.
Friday, 2:29 am: Beth wakes me up AGAIN as she gets out of bed to quiet down the girls as they have gotten louder in the last 14 minutes.
Saturday, 2:57 am Time for Dad to give it a try. As I head down the steps, I hear and enormous amount of girl chatter and a bunch of balloons squeaking. Man, girls can talk! When my boys have had their birthday sleepovers, a 2:57 am visit by me would find an intense X-box battle going. Pretty quiet for the most part. BOYS AND GIRLS ARE VERRRYYYY DIFFERENT.
As I get close to entering the family room where they are SUPPOSED to be sleeping, I hear someone yell, “lay down!” and 7 little girls go scrambling for their sleeping bags and balloons go flying. I decide to be the good cop and tell them that they need to talk quietly. One of the girls shares that they keep taking each other’s balloon boyfriends. BOYS AND GIRLS ARE VERRRYYYY DIFFERENT. At least those 7 didn’t try the old trick of putting either of the 2 sleeping girls’ hands in a bowl of water. Does that trick really work?
Saturday, 3:23 am: The gigglefest is in full swing again! Time for trip number two. I could give the good cop quiet speech again while also scheduling a 3:50 am visit. I could try the grumpy bad cop lecture, but that would completely waste my Friday 7:23 pm and Friday 7:31 pm works of art. Hmmm, what can quiet a group of 5th grade girls????
Hmmmm. I got it! Technology can be our friend! Time for my old friend, TV, to save the day! What’s on the DVR? My Lil’ Pony show? Too short. I will be back down in 30 minutes. High School Musical? Too energetic and High School Musical-ily. They might even start singing. That wouldn’t be good. Scrolling down. Scrolling down. I GOT IT!!!
Yes! They won’t be able to resist the lure of Disney!!! And it’s just long enough to put the sleeper hold on them!
Saturday, 3:36 am: one girl grabs a bag of chips to eat as the movie starts. 6 other girls follow and grab a bag. I start to mumble a veto on snacking at 3:36 am, but quickly squash that thought. Can’t rain on the birthday bash!
Saturday, 3:48 am: walking up the steps as a triumphant parent as 7 little girls quietly watch their flick.
Saturday, 4:15 am (thinking to myself in bed): What another great parenting move I just pulled! If there was a Fantasy Dad League, I woulda scored about 50 points tonight!!!
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