Summertime shares many common threads for those of us that live in Tuscarawas, Stark, and nearby counties. Cedar Point.  Community festivals.  Ice cream stands.  Indians games.  Garage sales.

We just held a garage sale in our neighborhood, and I can tell you that it is more than just a sale of junk gently used items—it is an event, both for the sellers and the buyers!  My beautiful, lovely wife and I have a somewhat different mindset when it comes to selling.  She sees the value and usefulness in the items we put out for sale.  As for myself, I subscribe to the marketing philosophy of Buddy.  As in Buddy’s Carpet.  As in his commercial tagline: “I don’t care about making money!  I just love to sell carpet!”  People have their passions in life:  music, sports, art, religion, automobiles, selling carpet,…

Anyhow, when it comes to garage sales, I don’t care about making money! I just love to get rid of junk gently used items!  I seek freedom!  Freedom from clutter!

But garage sales serve as a scrapbook of memories of our lives.  And several sports items in particular share tales of both past and present.  Let’s go down the roster.

EXHIBIT A:

When I put this jersey out, I noticed that my son, Drew, had put tape over the ‘3’ to make it #21. Unfortunately, I peeled it off prior to being inspired to write about garage sales.  That would have made a sweet picture!  My son’s tape job is symbolic of how Cavs’ fans felt about Lebron.  On the other hand, one customer said his young grandson (too young to have been really scarred by ‘The Decision’) loves Lebron & hopes he comes back.  Let’s cross our fingers and trust the power of ‘Garage Sale Karma’!

VERDICT:  one Lebron jersey sold, the other still available.

EXHIBIT B:

The ESPN Sports Zone was a great way for me to turn my small basement into a YMCA for my sons during many cold winters.  Stuart Scott narrated our various competitions.  My son Ethan loved to keep shooting until the scoreboard went past ’99’ and reset.  I personally like the intense pressure of the “Beat the Clock” setting!

VERDICT:  not a sniff on Friday, but sold to the first customer on Saturday! (price a bit low for my wonderful wife and her Muskingum College Bachelor’s of Arts Degree is Business and Accounting).

EXECUTIVE C & D:

Growing up, I loved batting helmets!  I had a collection of them, and would even wear them during my coach-pitch games (actually, the umps pitched to us back then).  I also loved getting the mini-helmet hot fudge sundaes (at K-Mart?).  Batting helmets are not as big a deal for my sons, though.  Stupid addictive X-Box!!!

As for the bat, the logo is long gone by now, but it actually bore the name and image of a virtuous ballplayer that every father wants his son to idolize.  Cal Ripken?  Too consistent. Derek Jeter?  Too much of a winner.  Here’s a hint:  this guy would do anything to get ahead.  Let me re-phrase that with a carefully placed space.  This guy would do anything to get a head.  A big head.  Possibly aided by human growth hormones.  BARRY BONDS!!!!

Before you start casting stones at me, I didn’t buy it!  It was a birthday gift.

VERDICT:  Pirates helmet (mint condition!) sold, 2 roughed up Indians helmets unsold (the cracked one went to the trash).  Steroid bat sold!

EXHIBIT E:

My grandfather (that I wrote about a few weeks ago) passed down these Spalding Executive Golf Clubs to me.  Seeing these clubs reminds me of a bit of grandfatherly wisdom he he once gave me.  We were at Edgewater Golf Course in Minerva and, staring at a water hazard, I was debating whether to play it safe and lay up, or roll the dice, pull out my driver, and try to hit over the water.  Grandpa looked at me and said, “GOD HATES A COWARD.”  Powerful.  Spoken from a World War II Marine.  I could see Wilfred Brimley or Morgan Freeman saying that in a Disney sports movie version of this moment.  In that movie, little Justin Bieber (did he act?) would grip that club a little tighter and smack it safely over the water.

Unfortunately, I didn’t read that script ahead of time, and drove my ball right into the creek.  Oh yeah.  Since I like sports sequels so much, I then followed that shot by  driving my next ball into the creek as well.

Thanks alot, Grandpa!  What I learned that day is that when it comes to golf, and your name is not Tiger, GOD LOVES COWARDS!!!

VERDICT:  No sale (for the 3rd or 4th consecutive garage sale).  Sent to Goodwill.

EXHIBIT F:

This stepper was a major pain to get out of the basement.  At the garage sale, it sat.  And sat.  And sat.  Not a sniff.  I think only one person (a kid) got on it in two days!

VERDICT:   So as we were putting stuff away late Saturday afternoon, a man pulled up, and then pulled the trigger to a new healthy life of burning calories!  I was so happy not to have to move that thing anymore, I threw in a heavy microwave oven for a buck!

EXHIBIT G:

Last Thanksgiving, I got a great Black Friday deal on a nice basketball hoop.  Before you jump to conclusions about me, I did not wake up at 2 am to shop!  I got the deal a few days before & thus got to keep my ‘MAN’ card.  As for this old hoop, if you notice, the back of the backboard is cracked, thanks to a combination of teenagers and icy snowballs this past spring.  I am pretty proud of my repair job though.

VERDICT:  Sold.  Kind of.  Not actually.  I had it sold on Friday to an Amish lady.  Let me tell you, there were a lot of Amish ladies on the garage sale circuit Friday!  We went to load it in the trailer and it didn’t fit.  UGGHHHH!  NO SALE!

Maybe, though, this sad story will inspire someone to write the sequel about the most famous fictional Amish athlete of all time:

KINGPIN!