“The News-Boys Address, To the Patrons of the Norwich Courier” was originally printed on the New Years Day front page, above the fold as “The News-Boys Address To the patrons of the Norwich Courier, On the Commencement of the Year 1810.” I hope you enjoy it.
“The News-Boys Address, To the Patrons of the Norwich Courier”
On the commencement of the year 1810.
Each week your News-boy fondly tries
To please his friends with fresh supplies
Of news, derive’d from ev’ry quarter,
Both here at home and ‘cross the water;
Fondly hoping by this measure,
To gain your cash and win your favor,
Sometimes he tells of dismal wars
That fill the world with horrid jars,
That raise your pity and your fears,
And from the timid exort tears;
With prospects of a lasting peace.
Sometimes your fortunes seem all made,
With news of unembargo’d trade,
And while your fancy fills your treasures,
By news receiv’d of peaceful measures,
And while your minds are all perplex’d
In counting chickens’fore they’re hatch’d,
Then all at once your hopes prove frail
By news received by the mail,
That tho’ embargoes have no force,
They’re supplied by non-Intercourse.
Sometimes he tells of actions done,
By those who govern here at home,
Relates you speeches often made,
In Congress ‘bout restricted trade.
Sometimes to spend a leisure hour,
Of duels fought by men in power;
Sometimes of deaths to make you sad,
And then with weddings to make you glad.
Sometimes old women he doth fright,
With fiery meteors seen at night,
And earthquakes too tho’ still not near,
Yet they affect their minds with fear.
Of the relieves the farmer’s care
When he can hear of his stray mare,
And if the yearling chance to stray,
Or boys indented run away,
Or if a thief a horse should take,
Or men in bus’ness chance to break;
Or should you wish new goods to buy,
Or old, or cheap, or wet or dry –
Or should a stranger wish to find
A Barber suited to his mind,
One who could cut, and brush and shave
The honest, witty and knave,
All, all you learn from me your friend,
Who on your favor still depend.
I might a long time yet go on,
And greatly lengthen out my song,
By telling things you hear from me,
And thus perhaps increase my fee.
But as I’ve not a miser’s heart,
Permit me from you to depart,
By wishing all my friends much cheer,
Throughout this new, and ev’ry year.
(Norwich Courier, 1810)