June 27 is National PTSD Awareness Day, so it’s time to tell you about PTSD and me.
*Especially with a V.A. Center at hand in Bath, we often think about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder as a military issue. In my case it stems from grinding years of an upbringing that was verbally and emotionally abusive.
*I’d been working with a psychiatrist who said, “Let’s do an evaluation for PTSD.” This startled me, and I said, “Well, that’s not a problem.” She said, “Let’s try it anyway,” and started asking diagnostic questions off a list. When I answered yes to the first three she said, “Take his home and fill it out.” What do you know? I got 100%! A perfect score.
*So now that I’ve learned more about PTSD, I get it. It flows from exposure to trauma, maybe once, maybe repeatedly. If you can’t cope with it well, and some things NO ONE can cope with well, you may develop such symptoms as intrusive thoughts, frequent bad dreams, hyper-vigilance. Certain “triggers” may provoke a “flashback” response that puts you back in the trauma emotionally.
*In the movies this means delusions and hallucinations, and the character blazing away with machine guns because he thinks he’s back in Vietnam. It’s usually much quieter. If a person has been abused in the context of alcohol use, tinkling ice cubes might trigger panic, dread, nausea – the same feelings that the person had at the time. You’re trained into it.
*My PTSD diagnosis turned out to be tremendously liberating. Just like a diagnosis for a physical condition, it finally made all the symptoms make sense. It gave me a chance to study my own thoughts, feelings, and responses. And it gave me a route for dealing with my struggles effectively.
*When I was a little kid, I was relatively helpless. My “fight or flight” mechanism was constantly roaring in both directions, but I couldn’t go either way. Maybe that contributed to my developing adrenal failure (Addison’s Disease), which appears to be a linked condition – having either AD or PTSD increases the likelihood that you’ll develop the other. (It seems that verbal and emotional abuse are more likely to create long-term health problems than physical abuse is.)
*Well, I was helpless then, but I’m not now. One level of doing better is simple avoidance – my whole family knows what to shield me from on TV. Getting a comic book, or a graphic novel, or a cartoon collection, makes me feel better. Walking in the woods makes me feel better. Counseling helps. I take antidepressants. I learn how to deal with flashbacks and other symptoms.
*I’m happy for people to know that I have PTSD. That doesn’t bother me a bit, and they don’t have to worry that I’ve got a machine gun in my pocket. It’s part of my life, and while I’m unhappy with it, I’m not ashamed of it. I have a problem, and I get help, and I’m not ashamed of that, either.
*For some reason people think they need to deal with mental or emotional issues alone – “I’ve got to do this by myself.” Nobody who lies on the ground with a broken leg waves off the first aid and the ambulance and the doctors, saying, “I’ve got to do this by myself.” Good grief. Help is a great thing. You’d help somebody else if you could, wouldn’t you? Why not give them the same opportunity?
*People think hat only a weakling needs mental or emotional help, so they’re ashamed of it. They might as well be ashamed that they’re so weak that their leg broke.
*Since my diagnosis I’ve had help from a great family, great doctors, great friends and church congregations. Not everybody has that. But even if you don’t, there’s help out there somewhere.
*And if you have a loved one who lives with PTSD… well then, you live with it too. Make sure you keep yourself healthy, but learn something about the situation. Don’t be ashamed of it, and do what you can to help that person get healthier too.
*Some people have cancer, some people have PTSD. Neither one is anything to be ashamed of, or anything to hide. In either case, there are ways to get help.