It has been a long while since people had to break up with their partners face-to-face. Every new technological advance that enabled people to communicate was, at some point in time, used to avoid the confrontation of having to break up in person. People broke up using letters, phone calls, and probably the telegraph. But they never had the number of options we have today. And people use those tools a lot — almost six out of ten Americans broke up with someone using a text message. Seven out of ten Millennials were broken up with in the same way.
Taking Dating Online
It is not just the endings of relationships that are being facilitated by new technologies. The beginnings also have their own set of specialized digital tools. Online dating is a growing trend. People use applications and websites to meet, spark a conversation, or simply look for short-term fulfillment of needs. The online dating options are still not as popular as many would believe they are — only 15% of Americans have used them. The way people often approach online dating and the way these apps are sometimes built, it is obvious that they had an effect on the crucial early part of relationships.
“Online dating has watered down courtship and the experience of dating,” says Amber Kelleher-Andrews, CEO of Kelleher International. “There’s an illusion of a bottomless pool of singles to choose from so swipe-happy singles don’t invest much effort – if any – in getting to know someone before they’re onto the next.” The fact that online dating is convenient cannot take away that it is often, and for some people always, a very superficial experience.
The Isolation-Connectedness Duality
When talking about relationships and technology, it is easy to get too focused on the world of romantic relationships and forget that people crave for other types of relationships as well. Having close friends is important, to the point that it comes with a variety of health benefits. It seems that in the digital era, those benefits are harder to come by.
We have an abundance of tools we can use to connect with other people. But there is also a paradox happening — people are becoming lonelier. Studies show that people are having fewer close friends than they had a couple of decades ago. The worst part of it is that the number of people who say they do not have anyone they can confide in has tripled since the mid-’80s.
Many factors could influence the rise of loneliness in the age of connectedness. There is the fact that technology-enabled communication lacks very important components of face-to-face communication, such as visual and verbal cues, not to mention physical contact. There is also the fact that spending time with friends, as an important way to pass time and find enjoyment, now has to compete with hours upon hours of readily available entertainment. And at times, the technology might help. These points of contact can provide short-term relief from the feelings of loneliness. In the long run, however, they don’t matter that much.
Long Distance in the World of Tech
Still, if there is one subsection of relationships that should benefit immensely from the technological connectedness, it would be the long-distance relationships. There are a thousand and one ways to stay in touch with loved ones who are miles away. People can text, instant message, even play video games together, and soon enough they will be able to meet in virtual reality.
Even in long-distance relationships, however, tech has a duality. The fact that people can connect at all times can put pressure on them to do so even if they would rather not. And tech does not do away with the sudden changes people in long distance relationships sometimes perceive in each other. So for the “glass half-full” people, technology has made relationships easier. For those who are more pessimistic, it has made them impossible. And both camps are correct in their beliefs.