Tag Archives: pixels

Top 5 Worst Films of Summer 2015

With the good, comes that bad. Summer 2015 gave us some solid films, but it also gave us a lot (and I mean, *a lot*) of trash. So I try my best to narrow them down to five films here. Thank God I get to list out 10 films at the end of the year…

Dishonorable Mention: Mad Max: Fury Road

This isn’t a good movie, it’s just a well-made one. People seem unable to separate the two. I don’t get how when Michael Bay throws explosions on the screen in sacrifice of plot or character development he is crucified, but when George Miller does it he is praised as a genius.

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5.) Entourage

On top of being the biggest disappointment of 2015 so far, this was also just a miss on all cylinders. I love “Entourage” the show, I love Los Angeles and I love to laugh, and this film really doesn’t pay much honor to any of these things. It is an unfunny, skin-deep movie that was only not a total bomb because of the familiar faces in the best city on earth. That’s it.

Variety

Variety

4.) Tomorrowland

Quick: what is this movie about? That’s OK, I’ll wait. Give up? Cool, because I have no idea, either. Something about George Clooney and his love affair with a 10-year-old robot (it is slightly less creepy within the context of the film), and I think there was something else about the end of the world and Dr. House was there. I really hated this movie. I walked out not liking it, but in the three months that have passed, I’ve grown to loathe it. Just not as much as these remaining three films.

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3.) Terminator Genisys

Just like “Tomorrowland,” I didn’t mind this film while watching (I realized it wasn’t good, but in-the-moment I was tricked to thinking it wasn’t awful). But the ending draws on for 15 minutes, and it has some of the worst CGI I have ever seen in a film in the 21st century. It just isn’t good, and hopefully this franchise is…terminated. [clears throat] OK, what’s next?

Variety

Variety

2.) Pixels

Like most people, I was tricked by the trailer for “Pixels” into thinking this wouldn’t be a normal Adam Sandler comedy; but much to my dismay, this is just a normal Adam Sandler comedy, it just happens to have video games in it. It is bottom-of-the-barrell, lowest effort humor, and its best attribute is Josh Gad, which is never a good sign.

Variety

Variety

1.) Fantastic Four

HAHAHAHAHAHA oh my God, this thing is awful. Like I’ve forgetten like 95% of it but holy heck is this bad. Nothing happens until a rushed and horribly standard final fight sequence, and it wastes a fantastic young cast. All the behind the scenes drama is much, MUCH more interesting than the actual film, so go give those stories a read. It’s films like this that make it hard for people like me to trust the month of August…

Variety

Variety

‘Pixels’ Another Lazy Sandler Shtick

PixelsOfficialPosterIt’s that magical time of the year again! The sun is warm, the AC is blasting, and we are all enjoying our summer at the movies; so naturally Adam Sandler has to come and ruin things with another one of his films.

“Pixels” stars Sandler, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage and Kevin James as former childhood arcade protégés who are the last line of defense when aliens send real-life 1980’s video games to destroy Earth. Chris Columbus directs.

“Pixels” had a few things going for it. Yes it starred the dynamic duo of Sandler and James, but it also featured Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage, who have the power to bring smiles to the screen. It also was from director Chris Columbus, who has given us such gems as “Mrs. Doubtfire” and the first two Harry Potter films, and isn’t one of Sandler’s normal cronies, Dennis Dugan or Frank Coraci. And unlike normal Sandler films, this one featured an actual interesting plot.

So where did it all go wrong? Well my money is when the Happy Madison banner appeared on screen.

“Pixels” looked different than your typical Sandler film, but the end product is your typical Sandler film. Sandler gets a girl who is out of his league, Kevin James trips over things (“and it’s funny because he’s fat!”) and you get more product placement than the Super Bowl. And yet again Sandler laughs and skips his way to the bank after hanging out with his friends on a movie set in an exotic location (it’s a good gig if you can get it).

I’ll get the positives for this film out now, because I feel if I delay any longer anything commendable about “Pixels” will flee from my mind. Josh Gad has a few funny one-liners, some of the video games attacking famous monuments are cool, and the film is far from Sandler’s worst. Ok [cracks knuckles] let’s do this.

All you need to know about how serious this film wants you to take it is that Kevin James is the President of the United States. [long pause] Yeah, I know. And his wife is Jane Krakowski (who has one line of dialogue in the film, by the way). Yeah. I know. By the time I accepted these facts, the film was half over.

Speaking of being half over, this film is paced horribly. Well, I shouldn’t say that. The first 30 minutes are swift; it’s the next 75 that are numbingly slow. There’s a point where Sandler and Co. are partying and drinking and having a merry-ole-time (odds are they didn’t even know they were filming the movie, they were just celebrating taking more money from hardworking American’s pockets). I felt like that scene had to be somewhere near the end of the film, however much to my dismay there was still the overlong, over-CGI stuffed finale to endure.

I’m also having a hard time figuring out the desired demographic for this movie. It is based around 80’s games (and songs) like Pac-Man and Centipede, so you would think middle-aged adults, right? But wait, there’s lots of sex and fart jokes, so must be teenage boys. But hold up, there’s little talking Q*bert (if you don’t know what that is then my point is proven) that wets itself when nervous. So clearly this is aimed at little kids. I don’t know, man…

I officially gave up on Adam Sandler back in 2013 with “Grown Ups 2” but deep down I had hope “Pixels” may finally be him turning a leaf and actually trying. I was wrong; he is still putting in the bare-minimum effort. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, they say. Well Adam Sandler has clearly never heard that saying because his formula is long broken but he doesn’t fix it, because that would require effort, something he hasn’t put into one of his Happy Madison films since 2005’s “Longest Yard.”

I don’t hate “Pixels,” despite what all the above implies, but it isn’t a good movie, and you don’t need to see it. Go watch the three minute short that the film is based off if you want to see video games attack a city. Peter Dinklage couldn’t save this movie, Chris Columbus couldn’t save this movie, heck, I doubt Mariano Rivera could save this trash.

Critics Rating: 3/10

Variety

Variety