Tag Archives: kevin james

‘Pixels’ Another Lazy Sandler Shtick

PixelsOfficialPosterIt’s that magical time of the year again! The sun is warm, the AC is blasting, and we are all enjoying our summer at the movies; so naturally Adam Sandler has to come and ruin things with another one of his films.

“Pixels” stars Sandler, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage and Kevin James as former childhood arcade protégés who are the last line of defense when aliens send real-life 1980’s video games to destroy Earth. Chris Columbus directs.

“Pixels” had a few things going for it. Yes it starred the dynamic duo of Sandler and James, but it also featured Josh Gad and Peter Dinklage, who have the power to bring smiles to the screen. It also was from director Chris Columbus, who has given us such gems as “Mrs. Doubtfire” and the first two Harry Potter films, and isn’t one of Sandler’s normal cronies, Dennis Dugan or Frank Coraci. And unlike normal Sandler films, this one featured an actual interesting plot.

So where did it all go wrong? Well my money is when the Happy Madison banner appeared on screen.

“Pixels” looked different than your typical Sandler film, but the end product is your typical Sandler film. Sandler gets a girl who is out of his league, Kevin James trips over things (“and it’s funny because he’s fat!”) and you get more product placement than the Super Bowl. And yet again Sandler laughs and skips his way to the bank after hanging out with his friends on a movie set in an exotic location (it’s a good gig if you can get it).

I’ll get the positives for this film out now, because I feel if I delay any longer anything commendable about “Pixels” will flee from my mind. Josh Gad has a few funny one-liners, some of the video games attacking famous monuments are cool, and the film is far from Sandler’s worst. Ok [cracks knuckles] let’s do this.

All you need to know about how serious this film wants you to take it is that Kevin James is the President of the United States. [long pause] Yeah, I know. And his wife is Jane Krakowski (who has one line of dialogue in the film, by the way). Yeah. I know. By the time I accepted these facts, the film was half over.

Speaking of being half over, this film is paced horribly. Well, I shouldn’t say that. The first 30 minutes are swift; it’s the next 75 that are numbingly slow. There’s a point where Sandler and Co. are partying and drinking and having a merry-ole-time (odds are they didn’t even know they were filming the movie, they were just celebrating taking more money from hardworking American’s pockets). I felt like that scene had to be somewhere near the end of the film, however much to my dismay there was still the overlong, over-CGI stuffed finale to endure.

I’m also having a hard time figuring out the desired demographic for this movie. It is based around 80’s games (and songs) like Pac-Man and Centipede, so you would think middle-aged adults, right? But wait, there’s lots of sex and fart jokes, so must be teenage boys. But hold up, there’s little talking Q*bert (if you don’t know what that is then my point is proven) that wets itself when nervous. So clearly this is aimed at little kids. I don’t know, man…

I officially gave up on Adam Sandler back in 2013 with “Grown Ups 2” but deep down I had hope “Pixels” may finally be him turning a leaf and actually trying. I was wrong; he is still putting in the bare-minimum effort. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”, they say. Well Adam Sandler has clearly never heard that saying because his formula is long broken but he doesn’t fix it, because that would require effort, something he hasn’t put into one of his Happy Madison films since 2005’s “Longest Yard.”

I don’t hate “Pixels,” despite what all the above implies, but it isn’t a good movie, and you don’t need to see it. Go watch the three minute short that the film is based off if you want to see video games attack a city. Peter Dinklage couldn’t save this movie, Chris Columbus couldn’t save this movie, heck, I doubt Mariano Rivera could save this trash.

Critics Rating: 3/10

Variety

Variety

Someone Please Arrest the ‘Paul Blart’ Sequel

Paul_Blart_-_Mall_Cop_2_posterIn a world of pointless movie sequels, this one may take the cake.

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” is the follow-up no one asked to from the 2009 film, “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”. Written by and starring Kevin James, the film follows Paul Blart (whom, if you haven’t guessed by now, is a mall cop) to Las Vegas where he attends a security guard convention. While there, he discovers a plan for thieves to steal precious art, and must step up to save the day. Neal McDonough plays the villain as Andy Fickman directs.

I enjoyed the first “Paul Blart” for what it was. It wasn’t too serious and featured enough solid laughs to be worth a one-time watch. But near everything that worked about the first film, and by everything, I mean all the funny and charming actors including Bobby Cannavale and Stephen Rannazzi, are gone. Jayma Mays, who played Blart’s love interest, even chose not to return for this sequel and this is the same woman who said yes to “Smurfs” 1 and 2, so you know she’s willing to make trashy franchises. All this leaves “Paul Blart 2” with little to play with, and the result is a film that has little entertainment.

First things first, the film tries too hard to be funny, and there is nothing more desperate and unappealing than trying too hard (just ask any woman). Right from the opening scene, Blart’s mother (played by two-time Oscar nominee Shirley Knight) is run over by a milk truck—for laughs. Sure, you may smirk at the shock value of it, but the film treats what should be a horrific moment in Blart’s life as a punchline, and then keeps on doing so for the rest of the film. I also lost track at the amount of fat jokes in here.

Deep down, somewhere in this movie, there are a few jokes that work, like when cliché bad guy Neal McDonough (who is by far the film’s biggest asset) and Blart are having a yelling match about who is crazier, and McDonough goes, “I have two different colored eyeballs, because that’s how I live my life!” (I don’t know, I chuckled). But for every well thought out one-liner, there are a dozen, or baker’s dozen, because fat jokes, that fall flat. For example, when Blart beats one bad guy and says, “Always bet on Blart”, I cringed. All this leads up to a final act that is so ludicrous, and so full of terrible CGI, that it made me almost angry.

This is produced by Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison production team, so it should come as little shock that it is an unfunny comedy, featuring stale jokes, shameless product placement, and exotic locations so that the actors can vacation while they happen to film a movie.

“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2” is far from the worst movie of 2015 (4+ months in and “50 Shades of Grey” still holds that distinction), and I chuckled a few times, but it really is a struggle to get through. Numerous times throughout the film, fellow security guards tell Blart that no one cares about him and what he did six years ago; audiences don’t care, either. This isn’t stupid fun like the first film; it’s just plain stupid.

“Avengers,” you cannot come soon enough…

Critics Rating: 4/10

Variety

Variety