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Flawed ‘Intern’ Gets by on Charm

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The_Intern_PosterAh, September. You wonderful buffer between summer blockbusters and Oscar season…

“The Intern” stars Robert De Niro and Anne Hathaway and is written and directed by Nancy Meyers. When retirement proves to be too boring for 70-year-old Ben Whittaker (De Niro), he enrolls in a senior internship program at an internet fashion company led by Jules Ostin (Hathaway). Rene Russo, Adam DeVine, and Anders Holm co-star.

September usually contains two types of movies: trash that couldn’t fit into January and August (“The Transporter Refueled”) and decent films that still aren’t quite good enough to be worthy of Oscar season (“Black Mass,” even if Depp will get his nod). “The Intern” falls into the latter category, as it is a flawed but charming little film that never tries to be more than it is not.

Anne Hathaway makes everything she’s in better, that’s long established (if you don’t believe me try watching “Brides Wars” or “Les Misérables” and skip over her scenes and tell me with a straight face those movies are enjoyable). Meanwhile it’s been a while since Robert De Niro actually tried to do some serious acting (one could argue he has given two dedicated performances the past 10 years). So they may seem like an odd pairing, but their abstract chemistry is what makes “The Intern” work.

There are a few routes this film could have taken, and had it chosen those paths it would have been a conventional feel-good story, likely featuring a hardened boss who has to continuously teach her technology challenged senior citizen intern about the modern world. But writer/director Meyers instead choses to go an alternative route, still making De Niro’s character a fish-out-of-water, but never panders us or tries to force “ha! He’s old, get it?!” jokes down our throats. And instead of starting out like Sandra Bullock’s unlikable boss in “The Proposal,” Hathaway is just a busybody who we like from the get-go, which makes her easier for the audience to root for and relate to.

The film has its share of chuckle moments, and two laugh-out-loud gags including a fantastic sequence where De Niro and a group of other interns break into a house and steal a computer, but mostly the film skates by on its charm. Like I said, Hathaway is likable no matter what, but De Niro has this sense of optimism about him that is just infectious, and it puts you in a happy mood right out the gate.

Now I have to list the film’s flaws, both because that’s part of the job of movie reviewing and because I am a cynical person by nature. The film tries to force conflict into random segments just for the sake of having conflict, and all it does is add unnecessary time to the film’s length, which brings me to my biggest problem with the film.

Although I was never bored, the film isn’t paced well. After that brilliant robbery scene I figured the film had covered all the bases it needed to and would begin to wrap up; except that was only around the halfway point of the film (the running time is two hours). There are numerous points, in fact, that I thought the film would begin to end, only to have it introduce new plotlines. It isn’t overindulgence for ego sake like a Peter Jackson film, but it does stop the film from being breezy.

“The Intern” is pretty much exactly what you would expect to get based on the trailer, director, cast and/or plot, and that’s ok. It is flawed, sure, but those flaws are for the most part outweighed by dedicated work from Hathaway, De Niro and company. It’s a good date movie for all ages, and a nice buffer film as we enter the Fall Movie Season.

Critics Rating: 6/10

Vaariety

Vaariety

‘Black Mass’ Highlighted by Depp’s Chilling Work

Black_Mass_(film)_posterWelcome back, Johnny Depp. It has been a very, very long time.

“Black Mass” stars Depp as real-life mobster James “Whitey” Bulger, and chronicles his reign as the crime boss of Boston in the 70’s and 80’s, all while an undercover informant for the FBI. Joel Edgerton and Benedict Cumberbatch are just two of the dozen big names that co-star as Scott Cooper directs.

They often say truth is stranger than fiction, and that is true with the Whitey Bulger story. A career criminal who tricked the FBI to arrest his enemies all while having a brother who is a state senator; Hollywood couldn’t come up with that on their own.

Like I said, it has been a while since we have seen Johnny Depp play a character we cared about in a movie that we liked. His last Oscar nomination was in 2008 for “Sweeney Todd,” and this year’s “Mortdecai” may have been the final straw, with many calling it the worst film and performance of his career. However ever since the first image of Depp as Bulger was released many have been hoping that “Black Mass” would be the shot of energy Depp’s career desperately needed, and thankfully (for both us and Depp) he turns in a near-career best performance.

Johnny Depp loves his makeup, that is no secret, and he disappears behind the wrinkles and black eyes of Whitey Bulger. Much like Jack Nicholson in “The Departed” (whose character was based off Bulger), Depp becomes more and more depraved and sadistic as the film goes on, and when the climax comes you are not sure what he is capable or willing to do.

The violence in “Black Mass” is like that of “Goodfellas”: bloody but swift. There are several well-crafted execution scenes however the most intense sequences are ones where Depp is just starring down someone from across a table not saying a word.

Speaking of “Goodfellas,” that leads me into the film’s flaws. It tries very hard to take from other gangster films, which more often than not makes us compare the film we’re watching to classic movies, and obviously it isn’t going to hold a candle to the greats. There is even a scene that tries to embody the same feel as the “funny how?” sequence from “Goodfellas,” and while it works in the moment, once it passes you realize it doesn’t hold the same weight as that Joe Pesci scene.

The payoff of the film also leaves more to be desired. The film goes from a guy getting taken out by Bulger and his crew in one scene to everything starting to get wrapped up in the next. In fact most of the film feels as if the filmmakers assume you know the Whitey Bulger story, and so it takes little time to introduce backstories, which makes us watch characters that feel more expendable than engaging (outside Depp and Joel Edgerton’s FBI agent).

Still, narrative flaws aside, there are several brilliant scenes sprinkled throughout “Black Mass,” and one in particular that may be remembered for a while. It is fantastically refreshing to see Depp return to a serious role, and I’m sure he will get some serious consideration come Oscar season. As a film, “Black Mass” is solid, but you’re going to see for Depp’s chilling performance, and it is what you will walk out remembering most.

Critics Rating: 7/10

Variety

Variety

Horrible Editing, Pretty Scenery Highlight ‘Transporter Refueled’

_The_Transporter_Refueled__posterIf the 85% humidity didn’t have me thinking it’s still August, the release of crap movies sure would have.

“The Transporter Refueled” is a reboot (I think? It has never really been confirmed if this is a reboot or prequel) of the Transporter franchise, but this time Ed Skrein gets behind the wheel to play the titular character instead of Jason Statham. Here the Transporter must help out four call girls who are looking to get revenge on a kingpin (or something along those lines; this film is a mess). Editor-turned-director Carmille Delamarre directs.

The last Transporter film was in 2008 and in the seven years since I haven’t heard a single person clamoring for another sequel. In fact, “Transporter 3” is often referred to as one of the worst edited action films of all-time, alongside “Taken 2.” So naturally it makes sense that they hire the guy who edited those two films to direct this one, right?

Like I said above, this movie is a mess and I have no idea where to start with it. I guess I’ll begin with how lazy and stupid it is. In the film’s opening scene, a bunch of men are shot in front of a group of prostitutes. The pimp then orders the girls to get back to work…with the massacred bodies still lying on the pavement. I’m not an expert in how ladies-of-the-night operate, but I have to imagine corpses are bad for business.

That scene takes place in 1995, and then we are transported (get it?) 15 years later, which after a quick calculation means it’s 2010. That would be fine and dandy, except characters use iPhone 6’s and drive 2015 vehicles. So either the movie was too lazy to add 15 to 1995, or they didn’t care about being accurate to the time period, both of which are sins.

The action in the film is at times fine, there are a few well-choreographed car chases, but those moments are diluted and ruined by constant slow-motion and quick edits. And when I say quick edits, I’m talking five shots in less than four second. The same type of edits you may find in, say, “Taken 2” or “Transporter 3.”

The man behind this film, and other gems such as the Taken trilogy, “The Family” and the worst film of last year, “Lucy,” is Luc Besson and he is the Adam Sandler of the action world. He continuously gives his friends jobs, and his films are usually awful, featuring near no plot, shoddy editing and villains with horrible accents and even worse motivations; and Besson makes no effort to try and change formula this time around.

The best part of “Refueled” was when Skrein is fighting a group of henchmen and he sticks a floatation ring around one of them and the bad guy yells, “you jerk!”. I laughed out loud. Obviously not the film’s intention, but most of the writing is that bad throughout.

I was never bored while watching “The Transporter Refueled” per se, but I was also almost never interested. I checked my phone at least five times and at one point even responded to a text, which I *never* do. The film is set in the incredibly beautiful Monaco, so every establishing shot is gorgeous, but honestly aside from that there isn’t much this movie does right. It’s not frustratingly awful like “Fantastic Four” or annoyingly bad like “Pixels,” but “The Transporter Refueled” fails to accomplish what it set out to do, whatever the heck that aspiration was.

Critics Rating: 4/10

Variety

Variety

Top 5 Worst Films of Summer 2015

With the good, comes that bad. Summer 2015 gave us some solid films, but it also gave us a lot (and I mean, *a lot*) of trash. So I try my best to narrow them down to five films here. Thank God I get to list out 10 films at the end of the year…

Dishonorable Mention: Mad Max: Fury Road

This isn’t a good movie, it’s just a well-made one. People seem unable to separate the two. I don’t get how when Michael Bay throws explosions on the screen in sacrifice of plot or character development he is crucified, but when George Miller does it he is praised as a genius.

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5.) Entourage

On top of being the biggest disappointment of 2015 so far, this was also just a miss on all cylinders. I love “Entourage” the show, I love Los Angeles and I love to laugh, and this film really doesn’t pay much honor to any of these things. It is an unfunny, skin-deep movie that was only not a total bomb because of the familiar faces in the best city on earth. That’s it.

Variety

Variety

4.) Tomorrowland

Quick: what is this movie about? That’s OK, I’ll wait. Give up? Cool, because I have no idea, either. Something about George Clooney and his love affair with a 10-year-old robot (it is slightly less creepy within the context of the film), and I think there was something else about the end of the world and Dr. House was there. I really hated this movie. I walked out not liking it, but in the three months that have passed, I’ve grown to loathe it. Just not as much as these remaining three films.

TOMORROWLAND

3.) Terminator Genisys

Just like “Tomorrowland,” I didn’t mind this film while watching (I realized it wasn’t good, but in-the-moment I was tricked to thinking it wasn’t awful). But the ending draws on for 15 minutes, and it has some of the worst CGI I have ever seen in a film in the 21st century. It just isn’t good, and hopefully this franchise is…terminated. [clears throat] OK, what’s next?

Variety

Variety

2.) Pixels

Like most people, I was tricked by the trailer for “Pixels” into thinking this wouldn’t be a normal Adam Sandler comedy; but much to my dismay, this is just a normal Adam Sandler comedy, it just happens to have video games in it. It is bottom-of-the-barrell, lowest effort humor, and its best attribute is Josh Gad, which is never a good sign.

Variety

Variety

1.) Fantastic Four

HAHAHAHAHAHA oh my God, this thing is awful. Like I’ve forgetten like 95% of it but holy heck is this bad. Nothing happens until a rushed and horribly standard final fight sequence, and it wastes a fantastic young cast. All the behind the scenes drama is much, MUCH more interesting than the actual film, so go give those stories a read. It’s films like this that make it hard for people like me to trust the month of August…

Variety

Variety

‘No Escape’ is Uneven but Incredibly Intense

No_Escape_(2015_film)_posterWell that was intense.

“No Escape” stars Owen Wilson and Lake Bell as parents who move their family from America to Asia, just as a bloody revolution gets underway (hate when that happens). With the aid of Pierce Brosnan, they must make their way to the American embassy. John Erick Dowdle directs and co-writes.

When I saw the trailer for “No Escape,” I laughed. Aside from the unintentionally hilarious slow-motion kid tossing (more on that in a second), I couldn’t imagine a world where Owen Wilson could be taken seriously in a gloomy drama like this. But after seeing the film, I owe Owen (lol) an apology: he and the film aren’t that bad.

For what it sets out to do, the film does very well; this is an incredibly intense and at times very uncomfortable viewing experience. So if you thought films like “Ant-Man” or “Mission: Impossible” were too fun or feel-good summer romps, then here’s what will quench your late summer thirst.

There are several seriously intense sequences in this film, and most of it is attributed to director Erick Dowdle. Whether it is Wilson trying to outrun a group of revolutionaries up a ladder, or tossing his kids off a roof to escape said revolutionaries (hold on, I’m almost to that), the film knows where to place the camera and how often to switch angels to create an uneasy, edge-of-your-seat feeling.

OK, so about this slow-motion child chucking. It’s in the trailer, and I hoped it would stay there, because I laughed when seeing it. But nope; it’s in the finished product, and it’s just as funny. The scene is still intense, but it is hard to be taken seriously when an act that in reality should take three seconds lasts 30.

The other thing about the film that bothered me was the cliché idiot actions of the film’s characters, especially the 10-year-old daughter (played by Sterling Jerins). She constantly questions her dad’s instructions and on more than one occasion puts the family in danger with her ignorance. This actually added to the intensity of some scenes, if only because I was frustrated at her character.

Oh, and Pierce Brosnan is in the movie doing his Pierce Brosnan thing. He hams it up, hits on women and shoots some bad guys. You know, a day in the office for him.

Look, if you want a good movie then best try elsewhere than “No Escape” (we are in the dog days of August, after all). But if you just want a talented and surprisingly effective cast giving some B-movie thrills, then this is your ticket to a good time. Well, “good” in the relative sense of the word, at least.

Critics Rating: 6/10

Variety

Variety

‘Pawn Sacrifice’ an Unremarkable Biopic

Pawn_Sacrifice_PosterEventually I will be able to watch Tobey Maguire during a music montage and not instantly think of that horrible dance sequence from “Spider-Man 3.” One day…

“Pawn Sacrifice” stars Maguire as American chess champion Bobby Fischer, who takes on the Soviets, led by Boris Spassky (Liev Schreiber), in order to prove he is the best player in the world. Peter Sarsgaard and Michael Stuhlbarg co-star as Edward Zwick directs.

I know what you’re thinking, “a movie set in the 1960s that is all about chess? How could that possibly be interesting?” And you’re kind of right; while “Pawn Sacrifice” does manage to be more engaging than one would imagine, it is never as interesting as I’m sure the filmmakers intended.

The biggest problem with the film is that the people who made it were clearly more invested into Bobby Fischer’s story than the average person will be. The film spends much of its time on Fischer’s deteriorating psyche, showing a man who at the height of the Cold War constantly was being spied on and targeted (or at least thought he was). However the film beats you over the head with the idea that Fischer is slowly unraveling. While this is partially the point, to make the audience feel the frustration that his colleagues do, it takes away from the actual chess matches.

It’s no secret that most people would not consider chess a sport, and the idea of watching people play may be the only thing more boring than actually playing it yourself. The film’s main setup is the 1972 Chess Championship between Fischer and Spassky, and there are several things working against it. First off, chess championships are whoever gets to 12 points first, wins. That means there are a minimum of 12 games to be played, really diluting the magnitude of a single match. The film treats the viewer as if they are an experienced player and know exactly what is going on, so when Fischer or Spassky makes a move and all the characters react in shock, the uninitiated (my guess, 90% of the audience) are left looking around wondering what just happened.

The climax of the film is Game 6 of the championship, which has no true defining feel or intensity from any other matches we see throughout the film. In the credits, it says that is considered “the greatest game of chess ever played,” and I would have never guessed that just by watching the film.

The film is not without its merits. Peter Sarsgaard is fantastic as William Lombardy, one of Fischer’s longtime coaches. He acts as both the comic relief and the eyes for the audience, groaning when Fischer requests yet another increase in pay, or explaining to others the importance of a move a player just did.

Maguire is more of a mixed bag. There are some scenes he completely dominates, showing the mental strain that being one of the best players in the world at such a young age puts on someone; however there are some scenes he overacts, like one where he yells at Spassky on a beach in a way that I just did not buy as realistic.

To chess fans, I’m sure “Pawn Sacrifice” is what “Miracle” is to hockey fans, but to the average filmgoer, there just isn’t enough here to warrant a viewing. Perhaps Maguire fans will get a kick, and those who enjoy period pieces like I do will be able to ooh and ah at some of the Cold War-era set pieces, but all others need not apply.

Critics Rating: 5/10

Variety

Variety

‘American Ultra’ is Ultra Stupid

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American_Ultra_posterWell, the dream eventually had to die. After a surprisingly solid start to August (“The Gift” and “Straight Outta Compton” rank among the year’s best films), we are back to the regular dumping of dumpster movies in the dog days of summer.

“American Ultra” stars Jesse Eisenberg as a stoner who is actually a sleeper agent for the CIA. After being targeted for death, he is activated and alongside his stoner-in-crime girlfriend (Kristen Stewart) must stop the CIA agents (led by Topher Grace) who want him gone. Connie Britton and John Leguizamo also star as Nima Nourizadeh (or as I like to call him, “Nima Nour—yeah, that guy”) directs.

Stoner comedies are a fickle bunch. Some transcend expectations and work as a plain comedy for the sober, like “Harold and Kumar” or “Pineapple Express.” Others are just plain stupid and aren’t fun for anyone, like “Your Highness.” And then there are the stoner comedies that are probably wonderfully trippy when you’re high, but aren’t great if you watch it while not on drugs (*clears throat* which should be all the time, because drugs are bad and illegal!). “American Ultra” falls into that third category.

I will give credit where credit is due: “American Ultra” knows it is a stupid stoner comedy, and very rarely tries to be anything more. The action is enjoyably and mostly chaotic, which Nourizadeh proved he is capable of capturing in his only other directorial project, “Project X,” and all the actors seem to be dedicated to having a good time. For what it’s worth, “American Ultra” is a relatively well-made movie; it’s just a shame it is a relatively not good one.

As I said above, “American Ultra” is probably a very good time if watched under proper circumstances, but a stoner comedy, in my opinion, shouldn’t pander just to that demo. Films like “Pineapple” or “Harold and Kumar” are great because they know not all of their audience will be high while watching, so low-barrel humor and trippy black light sequences aren’t the only source of entertainment they strive to provide. “Ultra” doesn’t have very many well-written jokes, so unless Topher Grace saying the f-bomb several times during a temper tantrum is your kind of humor, then there isn’t much in the film to laugh at.

One other thing that annoyed me was a character played by Walton Goggins. This is the most minor of spoilers but it isn’t going to ruin the movie and to be honest, you shouldn’t care. It is revealed early in the film that Grace’s character has been training mentally insane people to be CIA agents; however the film treats Goggins’ character as if he is mentally challenged. He acts like a young child and even though the film tries to justify his and its actions by saying “they messed with his head,” I found it in poor taste and just plain grating.

Look, I know “American Ultra” wasn’t trying to be a smart, sophisticated comedy, but if it featured more than three laughs I would have appreciated the effort. This is exactly the kind of movie you will find playing on Comedy Central at 3pm on a Saturday, and maybe as background noise it works. But I didn’t find it all too entertaining, despite the cast’s admirable efforts and the crew’s impressive production work. Go rewatch “Pineapple Express” instead of watching this; better yet, go see “Straight Outta Compton.” Your brain and your wallet will thank you.

Critics Rating: 4/10

Variety

Variety

‘Man from U.N.C.L.E.’ Convoluted But Cool

imageSomewhere between the style of “Mission: Impossible” and the wit of James Bond lies “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.”

Based on the ’60s TV show of the same name, “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” stars Henry Cavill as CIA agent Napoleon Solo and Armie Hammer as KBG agent Illya Kuryakin. Against each of their wills, the two must team up to stop an organization from building a nuclear bomb. Guy Richie directs and co-writes as Alicia Vikander and Hugh Grant also star.

This film was originally supposed to come out this past January, but it was pushed back until August. Neither month usually indicates studios having faith in the films that are released during them, so the fact that “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” is not a complete train wreck should be a victory within itself. What’s more, is the film is a fun, light-hearted take on the early spy films, with just enough style to overcome its lack of substance.

One of my biggest gripes about Henry Cavill in “Man of Steel” was his American accent. It never felt authentic, as if the British native read “How Americans Talk for Dummies” and just walked on set. In “U.N.C.L.E.” (boy, that is getting annoying to keep typing), Cavill is able to give an almost satirical spin on the classy, suave American secret agents, and it works to his benefit. If you’ve ever watched “Archer” (which if you haven’t, I highly recommend you do), Cavill’s Solo is pretty much a real-life version of the show’s titular character: a smooth-talking womanizer who almost always has a Scotch in hand.

Paired with Cavill is Armie Hammer, using a somewhat awkward Russian accent. I like Armie in most everything he does (we’re on a first name basis because we’re good friends), but I have to wonder the logic behind the casting here. British actors portraying American characters is nothing new (see: this film), but whenever Americans, or most any nationalities, really, use Russian accents it is almost always mocked. Hammer and Cavill have passable chemistry, but they never mesh the way the film wants them to.

Director Guy Richie has always been known for style-over-substance, and he makes no effort to change his ways here. The film looks great and features quick dialogue with editing to match, but those things come at the expense of a wooden, recycled plot. It’s a tale you’ve seen a hundred times: two feuding people must put aside their differences in order to defeat a common enemy. It’s nothing new and the film never tries to throw any twists in the formula.

Most of the action is shot very well, including a fantastically entertaining (if not a bit misleading) opening car chase sequence. Richie knows where to put a camera, and Cavill and Hammer are able to sell their stunts.

How much fun and enjoyment you get out of “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” really depends on your ability to overlook simplicity. Cavill gives a charming and humorous performance and the set pieces of 1963 Rome and Berlin provide eye candy, but some of the other performances are over-the-top and the plot is cliché cardboard. In mid-August you can’t expect much from movies, but if you are just looking for a good, simple time at the cinema, then “U.N.C.L.E.’s” your uncle.

Critics Rating: 6/10

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‘Vacation’ Is Bumpy but Often Funny Road Trip

Vacation_posterEvery summer there is a comedy that is underappreciated by critics but is actually pretty funny. 2013 had “We’re the Millers,” last year featured “Let’s Be Cops,” and now we have “Vacation.”

“Vacation” is the latest film in the National Lampoon franchise of the same name. The film follows Rusty Griswold (Ed Helms) who takes his family on a cross-country road trip to Walley World, the same theme park that he went to as a child. Christina Applegate plays Helms’ wife, as John Francis Daley and Jonathan Goldstein write and make their directorial debuts.

I am a fan of Francis Daley and Goldstein’s writing. “Horrible Bosses” is one of my favorite comedies of all-time, and “The Incredible Burt Wonderstone” has more than its fair share of laughs. So maybe I’m biased when I say it, but “Vacation” is a very amusing time at the movies, even though it’s not without its share of flaws.

In case people like Adam Sander have forgotten, the first and foremost thing a comedy should do is produce laughs, and “Vacation” does that in large quantities. There is one scene in the film where I was actually rolling in my seat holding back tears I was laughing so hard, and that does not happen with me very often. Many of the jokes in the film are based off of awkward interactions and uncomfortable pauses, and directors Francis Daley and Goldstein do a good job knowing how long to hold the camera on an actor to get the proper reaction shot.

By and far the best part of the film is the younger son, played by Steele Stebbins. He curses, he verbally and physically abuses his older brother and he has wisecracking responses to most anything people say. His character may come off as too mean-spirited for some, but I bought it and thought he made the film.

A scene-stealing performance, however, comes from Charlie Day, who plays a white water rafting instructor. Day infuses some energy into the film just as it was starting to sag, and he produces several hardy laughs.

The film isn’t necessarily *good* like “Trainwreck” or “Spy,” and the plot is pretty thin. You get you standard road trip comedy hijinks, like crazy truck drivers and the car breaking down, so don’t go in expecting the re-invention of the wheel. You know how the film is going to play out, and at some parts that does make some scenes feel like byproducts of the sake of a single joke.

Some characters also are almost unbelievably stupid and naive, and even as someone who is forgiving of many things in dumb comedies, even I sometimes grew annoyed by their ignorance to certain situations.

I can best compare “Vacation” to “We’re the Millers,” in that if you are willing to overlook the implausible and cliché plot and just enjoy the film for being funny, then you’ll have a good time. I personally found the film an amusing way to enjoy two hours of my life, and compared to some of the other “comedies” from this summer like “Entourage” and “Pixels,” this is comic gold.

Critics Rating: 6/10

Variety

Variety

‘The Gunman’ Low On Guns, High on Snoozes

The_Gunman_Official_Theatrical_PosterA message to Sean Penn: Liam Neeson you are not.

“The Gunman” stars Sean Penn as an ex-gun-for-hire who carried out a foreign assassination and finds his past catching up to him eight years later. Idris Elba, Ray Winstone and Javier Bardem also star as Pierre Morel (director of the first “Taken” film) directs.

On paper, this movie should have worked. Sure, the “retired gunman comes out for one last job” is a rehashed genre (heck, I just reviewed “Run All Night” the other day), but “Gunman” has an A-list cast, a director who showed he can direct a 50-year-old in an action film, and a fun-looking trailer. What’s the end result? A bunch of A-list cameos, shoddily executed action scenes, and a trailer that clearly knew it had to lie about the true content of its product.

For a movie entitled “The Gunman” there sure is a scarcity of guns in this film. Like seriously, I think there are three shootouts in this, and most of them consist of Sean Penn ducking in-and-out of cover, spraying his gun at what he hopes are enemies.

The film takes a few minutes to get up and running, giving us what I assume they intended to be character development (it’s just boring forced narrative). When the first shot is finally taken, you think you’re in for a solid action film. LOL, nope. The rest of the first act is an awkward and unbelievable soap opera drama between Penn, Bardem and Penn’s ex-girlfriend, who is now Bardem’s wife and Bardem is threatened by Penn, but he’s not, and…I don’t know what to tell you, the film is a mess.

Let’s get to the characters. No one in this film acts like a real person. Bardem is a clowny cartoon, who says things that made me cringe and scratch my head. In his limited screen time he is just a laughing, bumbling goofball, paranoid that Penn is simply there to steal his wife. Idris Elba shows up for five minutes simply to put his name on the poster, and Ray Winstone does his grumbling Ray Winstone thing. Any big name actor on the poster not named Sean Penn is in this movie for no more than 15 minutes, I kid you not.

I really don’t know if there’s anything good I can say about “The Gunman”. The more I write about it, the more I’m growing to dislike it, and I walked out disliking it a pretty fair amount as was. Even the set pieces of the Congo, London and Rome are so bland they don’t add any visual candy to the experience.

Sean Penn clearly wanted to make this movie (he also produced and co-wrote it), but this passion project was a struggle to sit through. The film is so agonizingly paced, clichédly written and boring in its narrative that when the gun battles we were promised in the trailer finally arrive, we just don’t care.

“The Gunman” has all the looks and feel of a mid-day soap opera, but all the razor-sharp excitement of a mid-day soap opera. The only reason this mundane “action” film won’t derail Sean Penn’s career is because the only people who will hopefully ever be forced to sit through it are in an interrogation room in Guantanamo Bay.

Critics Rating: 3/10

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Variety