By Laura Bottom, SIU School of Medicine
Oh, the awkward stages… we’ve all been there – the struggle to find a sense of self, want for increased independence, peer pressure and moodiness… Yes, we are talking about the adolescent years. This can be some of the most rewarding yet worrisome time during in a parent’s life.
Adolescence encompasses different stages of growth physically, emotionally and mentally. During early adolescence, the child will struggle to find a sense of identity and independence. Parents will notice a change in their adolescent’s clothing style and concerns in physical appearance, peer groups, increased interest in sex, limit testing, rudeness and less affection towards parents.
During the later adolescent years, teens develop a better sense of self and ability to think through ideas, resulting in fewer conflicts. Peer relationships and other interests remain important, but teens develop a greater understanding of sexual identity and physical relationships. Adolescents will also gain a better ability for setting goals, defining work habits and showing concern for the future.
The best way to prepare you and your child for the adolescent years is to start laying the foundation down early. Parents should create a safe and loving home environment by developing a mutual trust and fostering an open, honest and respectful relationship. “Parents often struggle to provide clear limits for their teenagers, while also giving them room to grow and make mistakes,” says SIU Center for Family Medicine’s behavioral health consultant Meghan Golden. “It can be helpful for them to keep lines of communication open, providing a ‘why’ for limits and boundaries. Open communication also shows teenagers that their parents are available to them during difficult and confusing times.” Golden recommends parents focus on helping adolescents understand the importance of accepting limits and thinking before acting. During this phase, it is also vital for adolescents to know they can turn to their parent for guidance, love and support. Parents can help their teens in several ways, such as:

• Monitoring if stress is affecting their physical, behavioral or mental health
• Listening to their adolescent’s ideas and concerns
• Learning and modeling stress management skills-be a positive leader and role model
• Supporting their adolescent in his/her activities

“While it’s important to keep our kids safe during the teen years, it is also important to allow them some room to explore their own interests and preferences. As long as it is not dangerous, let your teen explore new things,” explains  Michael Goldberg, a behavioral health consultant at SIU Center for Family Medicine. Throughout all of these changes, the adolescence years can be a very stressful time for both the child and the parent, says Goldberg. Poorly managed stress can lead to anxiety, aggression, withdrawal, physical illness or poor coping skills (i.e. drug/alcohol use).
Some common sources of stress for adolescents are:

• School demands and frustrations
• Poor self-esteem and body changes
• Problems with peers
• Unsafe/unstable living environment or family financial problems
• Lack of parental support
• Separated/divorced parents
• Chronic illness, severe health problems in the family or death of a loved one
• Taking on too many activities and having too high of expectations for self

Preteens and teenagers can benefit from learning stress management skills.

• Exercise regularly
• Eat healthy meals
• Abstain from excess caffeine, tobacco, illegal drugs and alcohol
• Learn relaxation exercises, such as deep breathing
• Learn practical coping skills, such as taking a large task and breaking it down into smaller tasks
• Decrease negative self-talk
• Compliment oneself
• Take breaks from stressful situations
• Surround him/herself with fun, positive peers

With the proper support, any parent and teenager can make it through those awkward adolescent years of life.
Copyright © SIU School of Medicine, Springfield, Illinois