By Lauren Murphy, SIU School of Medicine
According to the Association for Reproductive Health Professionals, approximately one in four pregnancies before 20 weeks will end in miscarriage. Although the cause of most early pregnancy losses is unknown, health care providers, including SIU Med School’s family medicine physician Dr. Tabatha Wells, say oftentimes, women blame themselves.
“When I counsel women who’ve miscarried, I reassure them that there is nothing she could have done to prevent it. But most women have trouble accepting this and remain convinced that they must have done something wrong,” explains Dr. Wells.
It’s that line of thinking that Dr. Wells warns can have a long-lasting emotional toll on women who have miscarried. That’s why she emphasizes the need for supportive friends and family following a miscarriage.
“Women often feel a mix of emotions, ranging from sadness and grief to devastation or even relief,” says Dr. Wells. “I try to help her realize that feeling sad or relief or other mixed emotions are perfectly normal responses.”
When comforting a friend or family member following a miscarriage, Dr. Wells says it’s about giving her whatever she needs. “Treat it as a death in the family, and know that everyone grieves differently. Some women will want to talk about it; some women won’t. If she wants to be distracted, distract her. Most importantly, be supportive and offer encouragement.”
Dr. Wells and Linda Childers and Teresa McUsic of Nurse.com offer the following suggestions for family and friends:
- Listen to get a sense of what the pregnancy means to her: McUsic and Childers suggest, “Listen for the word ‘baby.’ Has the woman bonded?” Respond accordingly and withhold your own feelings.
- Don’t deny her feelings: Avoid using “at least” statements, such as, “Well at least you got pregnant.”
- Help her realize it wasn’t her fault: The reality is that nearly a quarter of pregnancies fail and, oftentimes, the reason goes unknown. A miscarriage isn’t necessarily a sign of infertility.
- Acknowledge the loss and offer empathy: McUsic and Childers recommend, “Simply say, ‘I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.’”
- Give her time to heal: Whether she needs two weeks or two years, simply give her time. Don’t allow her to suffer in silence.
For other unique ways to care for a friend or family member following a miscarriage, visit http://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/ways-to-support-someone-who-has-had-a-miscarriage.
Copyright © SIU School of Medicine, Springfield, Illinois