Dr. Patricia Fank, SIU School of Medicine psychologist, weighs in on how to prevent holiday stress.
For many of us, the holiday season approaches with a myriad of emotions – joy, excitement, cheer, as well as a frustration, stress and depression. Alongside the joy of reuniting with family comes the stress of finding the perfect gift, planning the perfect party and hosting a picture-perfect family gathering. Planning for the holidays can leave us feeling overwhelmed, impatient, irritable, and in some cases, depressed. In fact, holiday depression is quite common, and many find the holidays bring back memories of a happier time or loved ones we have lost.
Here’s the good news: It’s never too late to make changes or adopt new holiday traditions. Let this be a refresher for you, and just maybe, it’ll spark a change so that you too can minimize the stress that accompanies the holidays this year.
Here are 10 tips that may change your approach to this year’s holiday season:
1) Remember what’s important. Too many of us get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season and forget what and why we are celebrating in the first place. The holidays are a time for being thankful for what we have, rather than focusing on what we don’t. The holidays are a time to focus on the important relationships we have with family and friends and to help those in need. Take time this holiday season and look for simple pleasures, such as making a snowman, enjoying a cup of eggnog, helping a stranger or sitting around the fire with loved ones.
2) Set realistic expectations for family, time, and money. The approach of the holiday season fills many of us with expectations. Unfortunately however, expectations frequently fall short from what actually occurs. When we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves to cook the perfect meals, attend every holiday party and pick just the right gifts, we are setting ourselves up for stress, disappointment and unhappiness. So, accept your limitations and the limitations of others, and if your plans are idealistic, rethink how you’ll approach this season to close the gap between fantasy and reality.
3) Commit to less. The fewer commitments you make, the simpler and more enjoyable the holidays will be. Overextending yourself just leads to more stress for you and those around you when you take your frustration out on them. Taking a step back can be quite difficult since we are often expected to juggle family events, shopping, parties, cooking and other holiday-related activities, and we don’t realize how much time and energy each one will take. This year, make it a goal to do less. Perhaps you will not see as many people, write as many cards or cook as many pies, but you will be much less stressed and enjoy the holidays even more.
4) Prepare in advance, manage time and plan ahead. Decide what your priorities are regarding holiday events, put them in order of priority and give yourself a realistic deadline. Do not wait until the last minute to complete tasks and do not take on more than you can physically and mentally accomplish. You are not a superhero! If you can spare time to help others, great, but make sure you have plenty of time to accomplish what you need to first.
5) Continue healthy habits. People are busier than normal and can’t keep up with their regular workout routines while eating habits are easily swayed by holiday travel and tempting treats. Overeating during the holidays has unfortunately becomes an acceptable, even encouraged part of the holiday tradition, but that overindulgence can add stress to your holidays. Before holiday parties have a healthy snack; don’t arrive on an empty stomach. Try to select small portions, choose wisely and eat slowly. Also, avoid excess alcohol, which is a depressant and may actually release more “stress hormones”. And most importantly, continue to get plenty of sleep and don’t forget to exercise, even if that means taking a short walk before or after meals. How we feel physically is directly connected to how we feel emotionally.
6) Schedule time with family and friends. If you live alone or just dread this particular time of year, it’s important not to spend the holidays alone. Whatever uncomfortable feelings you associate with the holiday will be exacerbated by spending it alone. Do whatever you can to shift your focus from the past to the present. While it is healthy to remember events and lost loved ones, it doesn’t need to be the entire focus of the holiday for you.
7) Take time for yourself. While rushing around during the holidays, we often put ourselves last and end up feeling more exhausted after our “holiday” than before. This year, take some time to be kind to yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. For example, sleep in a few more minutes or spend a few minutes in solitude remembering what you are grateful for.
8) Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something we do for others; it is something that we do for ourselves. When you hold a grudge, you are most often the one who ends up suffering. This holiday season, give yourself the opportunity to be happy by a) letting go of grudges and b) preventing those same old transgressions from happening again. Look at this season as an opportunity to work on accepting family members and friends for who they are, even if they don’t live up to all of your expectations. Anticipate that they too might be feeling the effects of holiday stress, pressure and depression, and consider giving the gift of compassion and forgiveness to those who may have wronged you. Most importantly, if you are practicing the rest of this list, it is quite likely they you will be able to approach difficult family gatherings with greater patience and understanding.
9) Accept feelings. Just because it is the holiday season does not mean that you can force yourself to be happy. Acknowledge your feelings and recognize that it is appropriate to mourn losses and reminisce about happier times. Especially if you have recently lost someone close to you or you can’t be with loved ones this holiday season, realize that it’s normal to feel loneliness, sadness and grief. Reach out to those around you, and if you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious, or other support. Volunteering your time to help others is another good way to lift your spirits.
10) Seek professional help. No matter how hard you try, you may find yourself continuously struggling with feelings of sadness, anxiety or irritability. You may have difficulty sleeping, experience physical symptoms, feel overwhelmed, or struggle to face routine household chores. If any of these sound familiar, know that you are not alone. Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional who might be able to offer you some additional support during this holiday season. Together, we can find a way to “make” a happy holiday, because the holidays truly are what you make them.
Copyright © SIU School of Medicine, Springfield, Illinois