Couples can face cancer together

cancer couple chi gongFacing a cancer diagnosis is stressful, but not just for individuals. Illness may have the greatest effect on long-term partnerships, said Patricia Fank, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist at Simmons Cancer Institute (SCI) at SIU School of Medicine in Springfield.

Some couples who face the challenges of cancer together may actually strengthen the relationship and their commitment to each other. However, couples who have struggled before the illness may find the stress of cancer creates additional problems, Fank said.

“Physically, relationship needs may change due to loss of independence, body image concerns, decreased libido and/or the presence of symptoms which may hinder intimacy,” Fank said. “Emotionally, couples may even try to protect each other by not sharing their experiences, which opens the door to misunderstandings.”

Fank said a cancer diagnosis may also cause role shifts in the relationship. “Changes in household responsibilities such as paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking or walking the dog, not being able to be as active socially, concerns about finances and employment, and altered life plans and goals are all concerns to both partners.”

“Good communication is essential and can help prevent problems before they start,” Fank said. “Recognizing stress signals and being open to change are the first steps to controlling and managing stress. Think of you and your partner as a team that strategizes together to make the best decisions about treatment, caregiving and other issues.”

Fank also offers these tips to couples on ways to strengthen a relationship when a loved one is ill:

  • Carve out uninterrupted time to talk
  • Practice ‘active listening:’ don’t interrupt and don’t assume you know what your partner will say
  • Take turns listening to each other
  • Repeat back what you have heard until you truly understand your partner’s point of view
  • Discuss strategies that are currently working and not working in the relationship
  • Identify positive support vs. unsupportive behavior
  • Talk about roles in your relationship that may have shifted
  • Share the things you find most difficult to discuss

For more information about the services offered at SCI or to make an appointment, call 217-545-8000.