Tag Archives: razzies

Third Time is Far From the Charm with ‘Taken 3’

Taken_3_poster            I really have to stop giving movies the benefit of the doubt.

Liam Neeson returns as Bryan Mills, the man with a particular set of skills, in “Taken 3”. This time around no one is taken but instead Bryan is framed for the murder of his ex-wife and must run from the LAPD and clear his name. The film is directed by Olivier Megaton, who directed “Taken 2” but not “Taken 1”, so do with that info what you will.

“Taken 3” is the third movie in a series, is following a subpar sequel, and is being released in January. There is literally no reason why I should have thought this would be a good film but alas, I went in optimistic.

That was my mistake and I take full responsibility

There’s a lot going on in “Taken 3” and almost none of it is done coherently. Much like “Taken 2”, Megaton cannot shoot a clean PG-13 action scene, and everything is done using shaky-cam, close-ups and quick, nausea-inducing edits. There is one segment when Neeson is running from the police and you can’t tell what is going on. I actually had to look away from the screen because it was hurting my eyes.

The saving grace is that there isn’t much action in this action film. I actually timed it: it takes 40 minutes for Neeson to punch someone, exactly an hour for him to kill someone and an hour-twenty before he fires a gun. In a movie that is marketed as Liam Neeson killing bad guys, and the third film of a franchise that has seen him kill a combined 50 men, taking over half the film for someone to finally die is unacceptable.

One of the things “Taken 3” almost does well is Forest Whitaker’s new character. Playing the inspector assigned to solving the murder, Whitaker is pretty much Neeson’s mental equal. Every time Neeson tries to pull something, like lose a cell phone or distract the police with a fake car, Whitaker knows it’s a trap and doesn’t fall for it. For a while it is was interesting, however by the end of the film is becomes more tedious because it means that no one is actually gaining any ground on one another.

Try now, if you will, to remember “A Good Day to Die Hard” and how indestructible John McClane has become. That is Liam Neeson in the Taken franchise. He survives things that no human being could ever live through, such as a car flipping a dozen times down a hill and said car then exploding. What’s worse is in the very next scene he is shown completely unharmed, and the film either doesn’t explain how he survived and just expects you to accept it or worse offers a ludicrous, implausible explanation.

This is the best way I can sum it up: the Taken trilogy is just like the Hangover films. The first film was a fun surprise, the second was a subpar but passable carbon copy, and the third tries to divert from the original formula but it ends in horrifically boring results.

“Taken 3” is an uneventful film that is hampered by ineffective PG-13 action sequences, and even seemingly dedicated performances by Neeson and Whitaker can’t elevate an awful script. There isn’t much more to say about this film. The word “taken” is in the title, yet the only thing taken is the audience’s $10. The poster for the film says “It Ends Here”; I sure as heck hope so.

Critics Rating: 3/10

Variety

Variety

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2013

2013 was a year with a lot of good movies. There weren’t too many bad movies.  But boy oh boy when a movie was bad, it was bad. Here are my “top” 10 worst films from the year 2013. Hopefully I feel a little better after writing this list because Lord knows I suffered watching these films.

220px-The_Purge_poster10. The Purge

A movie that has its plot revolve around a 24 hour period where all crime is legal should not be as boring as this movie was. It honestly had some painfully dumb characters, even by horror film standards. I wish I could purge this from my memory (see what I did there?).

220px-A_Good_Day_to_Die_Hard9. A Good Day to Die Hard

The name of this movie should have been “A Good Day to Die”. Period. That’s it. Somehow the makers of this film managed to ruin one of the most iconic characters in the most famous film franchises in one movie. The acting in the movie was bad. The writing was worse. And the direction was even worse.

220px-The_Family_2013,_Poster8. The Family

Robert De Niro has sleepwalked through a lot of movies in the past decade, but this was almost insulting. He clearly didn’t care, and somehow managed to make a mob movie boring. It was just an unnecessarily violent film, and not in a fun way.

220px-Percy-Jackson-Sea-poster7. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

An extremely bland film, especially considering it is about mythical gods and monsters. The books were good; this franchise is not.

220px-Pain_&_Gain_film_poster6. Pain & Gain

Probably my biggest disappointment of 2013. The actors are all A-list, and tried their best. The true story it is based on, bodybuilders kidnapping rich members of the gym at which they work, is crazy. But director Michael Bay isn’t funny, no matter how hard he tries. The tone of the film was all over the place, none of it landing anywhere fun.

220px-A_Haunted_House_Poster5. A Haunted House

I didn’t loathe this movie, and they made it without the intention of winning awards, but that doesn’t change the fact that this movie is bad. Lazy and outdated jokes and a horrible story arch made it hard to enjoy.

215px-Identity_Thief_Poster4. Identity Thief

A movie with Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy, two masters of deadpan, should be great. But this is never funny enough to be a dumb comedy or smart enough to be a sharp satire. It is no surprise the writer of this movie also wrote the third Hangover film. And speak of the devil…

220px-The_Hangover_Part_33. The Hangover: Part III

I don’t think a film has ever been so lazy in its execution, and made it so obvious the actors didn’t care about being on set. The writers tried hard to get away from the formula of the first and second film, but what it turned into was a black action comedy that was neither exciting nor funny.

220px-Grown_Ups_2_Poster2. Grown Ups 2

Adam Sandler just keeps getting worse. Every time I walk into a new Sandler film, I think to myself: “maybe this time will be different. Maybe Sandler will actually respect his audience”. Nope. Rob Schneider refused to be in this movie. Rob Schneider. Rob. Schneider. God, I hated this movie.

And Grown Ups 2 would have been number one, if not for a film that was just an insult to all of Hollywood and the human race in general. That’s right; the number one worst film from 2013, the king of crap, the film that was a slap to the face of movies in general is…

215px-Movie_43_poster1. Movie 43

They made this movie after guilt tripping and tricking dozens of actors into filming it over four years. Even if the film was funny, which it is by no conceivable measure, it still would be awful because of the choppy editing and lack of any coherent story. Words just honestly can’t describe how bad and unfunny this movie is. It insults anyone who enjoys laughter or who has talent and is trying to break into the film industry. It truly is one of the worst films of all-time. No exaggeration.

Well, I feel better. I hope that you had the fortune of never seeing any of these films, but if you did, hopefully this eased some of your pain a little bit, too. Reviewing and watching movies is one of the most enjoyable things on God’s green earth, but it doesn’t come without its share of pain. Like spending two hours watching movies such as these.

I want to thank everyone who read this and read my reviews in 2013, and here is to a great year of cinema in 2014.